Divorce can be one of the most challenging experiences a person can go through, especially if there are children involved. It can leave everyone feeling overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about the future. That's why we're here to guide you through it.
As someone who has gone through this experience, we understand what you're going through. In this blog post, we'll be discussing preparing to mediate a parenting plan and how you can navigate this process with ease. Our focus angle will be on several things you should consider, and six tips for successful mediation.
Section 1: Things to Consider when Mediating a Parenting Plan
We will explain the significance of each consideration in relation to important parts of the parenting plan. By the end of this section, you'll have a better grasp of the ins and outs.
First, you want to consider the daily schedule for the children. This often means who will be the residential or primary parent, which is an important term as it relates most often to the calculation of child support. It literally means the parent with whom the child spends the most time. To make this determination you will want to take into account several factors, like how far apart you and your co-parent live from the children's school, daycare, etc. You will also want to consider the age of your children, as younger children are generally more easily affected by having to change homes on a frequent basis. Finally, you should consider who has been the primary parent in the children's lives prior to your separation.
Once you have a primary parent in mind, you want to set out a visitation schedule. This means when the children are with you versus when they are with your co-parent. Additional considerations would be who and how to transport them between you. How you will interact when transferring the children? How expenses of transportation will be handled. How your individual work schedules may affect your desired visitation schedule, etc.
Next, you will want to think about any special needs the children may have. This includes educational needs, medical needs, mental health needs, financial needs, etc. If you have a gifted child what visitation arrangement will best support the child? Likewise, if you have a child who needs special services, what visitation schedule will allow for those services to be accessed most easily?
Finally, you will want to have your proposal for how the children's expenses will be handled. How much are the expenses? Who can afford them and how should the expenses be shared? Can the children contribute? How will these things change over time? Plan on expenses for school, sports, extracurricular activities, clubs, vacations, medical needs, insurance, college, etc.
There is a lot here and you may want to take these questions in small doses. Once you start mediation they will all be up for negotiation, so make sure you initially focus on what you think is best for the children.
Section 2: Tips and Best Practices
We've outlined the process, but there are always tips and best practices that can make it easier. Here, we'll provide additional advice and practical suggestions that can enhance your experience or result. We'll also include warnings or precautions to avoid potential pitfalls or mistakes. Our aim is to make this experience as smooth as possible for you.
First, remember to maintain a respectful attitude with the co-parent in mediation. We wrote another blog on Dignity in the Mediation Process. blendmediation.com/blend-mediation-blogs. Maintaining cordial and respectful communication is important in mediation and even more important in daily life when interacting the your co-parent. You are leading by example when you children watch you interact.
Second, have some idea before you go into mediation what kind of arrangements you want. I can't stress enough, they don't need to be what the other parent wants. Know what you want.
Third, be flexible in mediation. You and your co-parent may not have the same wants and desires for your children. It is not uncommon for parents to have different priorities, and mediation is no different. Be ready to negotiate, without losing your cool.
Fourth, if you feel that you are stuck or need more time, let your mediator know. You can ask for a caucus or private and confidential meeting to discuss the issues you want, you can take a break, or you may need to reschedule for another time. The beauty of mediation is that you can go at a pace that works for both of you and create agreements that work for your family.
Fifth, if your co-parent is having a hard time, be patient. Making post-separation plans for your kids can be very stressful. Treat your co-parent as you would want to be treated.
Finally, once you have an agreement, even if it became contentious at times, make sure to thank your co-parent for their participation. Everyone likes to know they have done a good job and it keeps the door open for better communication down the road.
Conclusion:
Ending a marriage is never easy and co-parenting can be challenging even with the best intentions. Our hope is that this blog post has provided you with the tools you need to make it through this process with ease. We've covered things to consider, tips on how to achieve a successful mediation, and best practices to ask your mediator about.
Remember, you're not alone in this, and we're here to support you. So go ahead, implement the tips, take the steps, and let us know how it goes.
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